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Poems of the Week
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Swell Solution
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“The universe is expanding ‘too fast’— and scientists have no idea why”
—Daily Mail
The answer should be obvious
To anyone at all well-read:
The universe is making room
For Donald Trump’s expanding head.
No Doctor in Spite of Himself
by Dan Campion
“Trump deletes Truth Social image depicting him as Jesus: ‘I thought it was me as a doctor’”
—CNBC
He takes down Truth at every turn,
Deletes his blasphemy,
Denying (think for this he’ll burn?)
The outrage plain to see—
And, if he were my doctor, I
Would go through hell, no doubt,
Before he’d suffer me to die
And pluck my wallet out.
Joint Venture
by Marshall Begel
“Anchorage has to close a child care funding gap because… [t]he city is collecting less revenue than it projected from a cannabis tax intended to fund child care and early education.”
—Anchorage Daily News
Not every consequence was analyzed
when Anchorage said pot was legalized—
while physical dependence was predicted,
it was the state that ended up addicted.
The Fall Guy
by Steven Kent
“Vance’s bad week: vice-president risks becoming face of two Trump foreign policy failures”
—The Guardian
Alas, poor JD Vance:
At last he gets his chance,
But then Iran reveals he’s ineffective
And Hungary cries Nem! to his perspective.
Schooling the Pope
by Julia Griffin
“Vance Says the Pope Should Be More Careful When Talking About Theology”
—The New York Times
“Fox News Host Sean Hannity … questioned whether the pope had ever read the Bible”
—The Christian Post
The Pope distorts theology! cries Vance;
He hasn’t read the Bible! thunders Hannity.
Let’s hope His Holiness will seize the chance
To learn from these the crux of Christianity.
(For more witty poems, read our current issue or visit our Poems of the Week archive)

