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WEEK OF MARCH 2

by Steven Kent

“Good news for Trump before midterms: He’s still more popular than cockroaches”
—The Guardian

He’s loved here less than crickets, less than ants.
Respondents claim—when given half a chance
To speak about this topic pollsters broach—
We’re better off with bugs (except the roach).

Ironic, no? At last the great divider
Unites us now in favoring the spider.
If ever Trump starts going incognito,
We’ll know he got outpolled by the mosquito.

by Thomas Germana

“A Dallas native has been declared dead by the Social Security Administration four times since 2017, despite being very much alive.”
—Fox 4 News

The feds insist she’s dead. They’re wrong;
Her heart’s been beating all along.
And yet, despite this oversight,
Eventually, they will be right.

by Julia Griffin

For Mary; after Praed

“’America says goodbye to the mass-market paperback: The so-called ‘pocket book’ sold in supermarkets is being phased out across the US, the latest sign of an ongoing shift in how people are choosing to read.”
—The Guardian

Goodnight to the mass-market paperback!
We’re flocking no longer en masse;
They can’t get the train station gaper back;
Commuters just shrug as they pass.
There’s nobody left to peruse them
On Walmart’s or Albertsons’ racks:
With Kindle at hand, who would choose them
When each is $8, plus tax?
Where once they seemed cheap, they seem pricey;
It’s not like their quality’s great,
And if we desire something spicy,
Well, words on a screen have no weight.

Goodnight to the mass-market paperback!
Alas, there’s no way to entice
The reader (that faithless escaper) back—
At least, without crashing the price.
A few might appear sentimental
(Thus proving their hearts are not stones);
However, a larger percent’ll
Move on, unconcerned, with their phones.
So finish your blinking and gulping:
The market must always be right:
The new age is golden for pulping:
Good night, old companion, good-night.

by Steven Urquhuart Bell

“Do we really need to replace our underwear every six months?”
—The Guardian

No matter how intense the wash,
They get a little mucky.
So yes, replace them twice a year—
Except if they’ve been lucky.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor ‘banned from horseriding’ by royal aides after arrest”
—The Independent

Get off your high
Horse, Andrew, lest
The tabloids spy
A photo fest

That would be bad
For Charles’s brand—
It’s why we’ve had
Your horse rides banned …

You’ve done no wrong
And feel aggrieved?
The odds seem long
You’ll be believed:

Not even your
Own steeds appear
Entirely sure
You’re in the clear—

When asked if A’s
Not guilty, they
Avert their gaze
And answer “Neigh!”

by Marshall Begel

“Wisconsin Assembly Speaker Robin Vos to retire”
—Wisconsin Public Radio

Rumor has it Robin Vos
saw the writing on the wall
pointing to election loss
and chose to quit before the fall.

If poets act as legislators
as Percy Shelley aptly wrote,
would they flinch at indicators
tracking some upcoming vote?

No poet would abandon writing
for fear of losing an election—
they’d absolutely go down fighting
when so accustomed to rejection.

by Steven Kent

“Trump says he will order the release of Pentagon files on aliens, UFOs”
—The Guardian

Open files on UFOs,
Each and every word of ’em!
I’m the King who wears no clothes—
I’m transparent, Heaven knows.
Epstein? Maxwell? Who are those?
Hardly even heard of ’em!

by Dan Campion

“TV Ratings: State of the Union Trends Down in Early Numbers”
—The Hollywood Reporter

I understand he gave a speech.
I didn’t dare to watch it,
For fear he’d lead me out of reach
Of help (or docs would botch it)
In modern psychiatric care,
And heart and gut care, too.
One more emetic rant to bear?
I’ve better things to do.