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WEEK OF OCTOBER 19

by Viv Priestley

“The broken beak of a southern ground hornbill, a large bird native to Africa, was repaired at an Amsterdam zoo with two plastic pieces created on a 3D printer. … ‘He started using the prostheses on the day of the surgery,’ the zoo said. ‘The following morning, he independently picked up a small mouse from the ground.’”
—Oddacity News

“Thanks!” The hornbill cried. “Fantastic!”
The mouse was less enthusiastic.

by Julia Griffin

“The family of a man killed by a tiger at a wildlife park in the UK have spoken about their ‘severe distress’ at the circulation of online media after Donald Trump reposted a video of the incident. … Later the president posted an AI-generated video of himself grinning and having fun by chasing and play fighting with the tiger. It is accompanied by the song The Lion Sleeps Tonight by The Tokens. It features Trump copying the pointing gesture made by Chapman [the man who was mauled] and ends with him and the tiger hugging.”
—The Guardian

In the ballroom, the mighty ballroom,
The lion stalks tonight;
He prowls the networks, the bloody networks;
His screens are gleaming bright.

Tee-hee-hee-hee
Tee-hee (etc.)

Near the golf course, the mighty golf course,
The lion’s claws are sharp:
He fights a tiger, an AI tiger,
Which smooches like Ms. Harp.

Tee-hee-hee-hee
Tee-hee (etc.)

Hush, my darling, shut up, my darling,
Behold the Lion King!
He gnaws and slashes, he preens and trashes:
Dumb brutes must do their thing.

by Felicia Nimue Ackerman

“Many older travelers seek out tours that can be customized.”
—The Boston Globe

Why call us older?
Why not be bolder?
Let the truth be told:
We are simply old!

by Marshall Begel

“Megan Fox Says She Was ‘Born For’ Erectile Dysfunction Pill Ad”
—Medical Daily

When people ask me, Megan Fox,
if I no longer act,
my answer regularly shocks:
I advertise, in fact!

While some may use their acting skills
for sales of some antacid,
I’m driven to sell little pills
to men ashamed and flaccid.

Regardless of my show-biz past
and studio connections,
my dictate now is hard-and-fast:
to help men get erections.

To critics, I remain unbowed.
I’m pumped—it’s no surprise
that when I face them, tall and proud,
I always get a rise.

by Marlow Abraham

“Scientists call these ‘superhabitable worlds,’ planets that would allow carbon-based life to persist longer and become even more complex and diverse than on Earth. … The stronger gravity of [a] bigger Earth would hold on tighter to ambient molecules than Earth does, giving the planet a thicker atmosphere and a warmer and more stable climate, fueling the growth of extraterrestrial plants and animals…”
—The New York Times

New studies seek worlds better
Than this puny place.
The grass is always greener—
Even out in space.