~~~~~

What’s the easiest way to read Poems of the Week? In your email inbox, hot off the cyberpress! Just sign up for our free Substack here.

WEEK OF OCTOBER 12

by F.A. Gerdes

“Police in North Carolina stopped two men who were driving an overstuffed couch—yes, a piece of furniture—on a public road. The men were sitting on the couch, which rested on two rented scooters. Charlotte police said, ‘While we appreciate the creativity … ask yourself: Should this be on a road … ?’”
—Oddacity News

“Officer, why are you being a grouch?
Since when’s it illegal to crash on a couch?”

by Marshall Begel

“McDonald’s has been using AI to decide how much you should pay for a Big Mac”
—TechSpot

I don’t believe AI machines
can ever really “get us”
without embracing haute cuisines
of pickles, onions, lettuce.

With input tied to USB,
they’re surely at a loss
for pondering the mystery
of what’s in “special sauce.”

And how can bits of coding tell
the value of a snack,
when they have never had to quell
a full-on Mac-Attack?

They say the eyes reveal the soul,
but I’d go down a rung—
if judging burgers is the goal,
then give AI a tongue.

by Steven Kent

“U.S. Televangelist Jim Bakker, ensnared in fraud and sex scandal, dies at 86”
—The Guardian

See his Rolex, rings, and suit?
PTL (that’s “Pass The Loot”).
Damn, that dude was downright shady!
PTL (that’s “Pay The Lady”).
Far too many years he stayed on;
Far too many souls he prayed preyed on.

by Viv Priestley

“US to livestream Army firing squad execution of Fort Hood shooter… on December 3.”
—Reuters

“Federal immigration agents have killed nine and injured 13 others in at least 30 shootings during the second Trump administration…”
—CBS

Need to watch a federal execution
To make your life feel more complete?
On any given day—hip, hip, hooray!—
You just might see one on your street.

by Stephen Gold

“Does 194-Year-Old Tortoise Hold Secret of Longer Life?”
—The Times

Jonathan, you’ve seen it all.
As nations rise and empires fall,
You watch the frantic human race
Move at an ever-faster pace,
And must reflect, “How can they bear
To ape the habits of the hare?”

At St. Helena’s verdant heart
(A pity you missed Bonaparte),
You’ve lived the most amazing span,
Beyond the wildest dreams of man.
How great to have decoded you.
Now, can we all be ancient too?