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WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 7

by Stephen Gold

“John Galliano’s Met show cancelled over antisemitic remarks.”
—The Times

Some years ago, while full of booze,
He shared his toxic views on Jews,
And though he’s tendered his regret,
We’ve made it clear we won’t forget.

It’s said if we forgive with grace,
We make the world a better place.
Let’s have a little give and take.
For God’s sake, give the guy a break!

And yet, it matters more, one senses,
That actions should have consequences,
A principle that, to be sure,
Is higher still than haute couture.

by Julia Griffin

“[Far-right provocateur] Milo Yiannopoulos says he was ‘terrified’ by the ‘brutality’ of his ICE deportation.”
—CNN

Comedy karmady,
Milo Yiannopoulos
Finds deportation’s not
Terribly nice,

Laying the blame where we’re
Coincidentally
Storing our sympathy,
That is, on ICE.

by Nora Jay

“JD Vance reacts to airstrike that killed four at Iran wedding: ‘Things happen’ … He also said that the conflict between the US and Iran, which has now stretched into a seventh month and led to the deaths of 18 US service members, was not presently ‘a war’.”
—The Guardian

Conflicts: things happen in the run of them,
And this unfortunately seems to have been one of them.
We, in any case, learn from our mistakes,
Which of course our army never actually makes.
Besides, we are not presently having a war,
Despite the best efforts of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps,
So this is a rumor it’s time to stop spreading.
Sometimes things happen, like having four funerals when you’re expecting a wedding.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“‘I’m on a mission to convince people to work less’”
—BBC

I have to confess,
You had me at “less.”

by Geoffrey Basking

“The creator of Wallace and Gromit has revealed that the world’s most famous stop-motion animated dog was nearly a cat.”
—The Guardian

Ay oop, Gromit puss, big day ahead!
Ah. Please move that rubble from my bed.
Let’s get packing—fetch the Wensleydale!
I’ve explained my diet, which is quail.
Need your help, lad, nailing in these planks!
I’d prefer to clean my whiskers, thanks.
Like to hold the hammer and the glue?
I don’t think so, honestly, do you?
One more push, we’re headed for the Moon!
See you soon. Or maybe after soon.

by Dan Campion

“What Did Jurassic Forests Sound Like? Like This. Scientists spent over a decade reconstructing the calls of nine species of ancient insects to create the first accurate Jurassic soundscape.
—The New York Times

Plus ça change, I have to say.
Those ancient crickets sound
Just like the ones I hear today,
Which make my eardrums pound.
The next time I walk in the park
And hear a katydid,
I’ll shut my eyes and in the dark
Swat like irked dinos did.

by Steven Kent

“Women are giving their partners the ‘illiterate boyfriend’ test”
—The Guardian

You lack both verve
And brains—yes, you!
Come on: hors d’oeuvre,
Faux pas, and queue?

Though French I’m not,
I swear a smart
Young polyglot
Could win my heart.

Antío now,
Auf Wiedersehen,
Adieu, and ciao.
Don’t call again.