~~~~~

What’s the easiest way to read Poems of the Week? In your email inbox, hot off the cyberpress! Just sign up for our free Substack here.

WEEK OF MAY 25

by Dan Campion

“Graduates are booing pep talks on AI at college commencements”
—The Associated Press

The AI touts (they think we’re saps?)
Give us the old heigh-ho,
Expecting grads to throw their caps
When robots tell us, “No,
But, though you didn’t get the job,
Your cred ranked near the top,”
And we know we’ve been fed a gob
Of AI-written slop?
So, “Boo.” And “Boo” again. Get off
The podium, and blow.
That’s not a spiel for which we’ll doff
A mortar board. Just go.

—The New York Times

by Bruce Bennett

New personalities for Trump and Xi?
It’s worth a try. How worse off could we be?

by Julia Griffin

“[B]acklash over Mexico City’s ‘axolotlisation’ for World Cup: Mayor’s attempt to beautify the city with murals of [an axolotl] mascot and plum paint jobs criticised as waste of resources”
—The Guardian

Mexican killjoys! Who knows wotl
Come from Fiesta Axolotl?
Murals of the cute mascotl
Cheer folk more than any botl!
Represent their dainty motl
Widely, then, at fullest throtl,
Cry, in accents epiglotl:
“Thanxalotl, Axolotl!”

by Zumwalt

“Schlitz Premium, a beer brand that traces its roots to Milwaukee in the 1840s and was once among the largest breweries in the country, is being put ‘on hiatus,’ parent company Pabst Brewing Co. confirmed Friday after Wisconsin Brewing Company announced it would brew the brand’s final batch later this month.”
—Fox Business News

With measured trends and spreadsheets came
those analysts who killed a name:
A brew that tastes of bowling shoes
Is poured out as financial news.

Pabst ran the math, it weighed the yield,
And marched the yeast right off the field.
As taste gets dated, margins shrink:
So bid farewell to Granddad’s drink.

But wait ten years, they’ll give us more
In high-gloss cans from every store;
They’ll charge a fortune for the thrill
Of drinking this fermented swill.

by Thomas Germana

“A British court sentenced a truck driver to prison for smuggling 7 million pounds (US$9.4 million) worth of cocaine in a shipment of underwear and clothing from Skims, Kim Kardashian’s shapewear brand…”
—CTV News

I hear that Skims has underwear
For those with finer taste.
Their latest line has lots of flair;
Apparently, they’re laced!