Read our current issue by clicking on the cover below. Read Light‘s poems of the week
Poems of the Week
Moo-t Point
by Simon MacCulloch
“Designer… sentenced to prison for smuggling crocodile and python handbags.”
—The Guardian
The law, it seems, allows
For handbags made of cows,
But has you breaking rocks
For handbags made of crocs.
You’re better selling fakes
Than handbags made of snakes,
For what we all espouse
Is handbags made of cows.
So if you care to browse
The fashions, think of cows,
Whose deeply plaintive moo
Is how they think of you.
Over the Limit
by Marshall Begel
“Harry Styles stalker jailed for sending him 8,000 cards in a month”
—The Guardian
She sent a celebrity eight thousand letters.
Convicted of stalking, she’s shackled in fetters.
To stay out of trouble, I won’t cross that line—
I’ll send seven thousand…
…and nine ninety-nine!
Now, Now, Voyager
by Dan Campion
“After Months of Gibberish, Voyager 1 Is Communicating Well Again”
—Scientific American
Alone in desert waste immense,
Dear Voyager, you’re making sense.
Would that, back here where dunces dwell,
We could communicate so well.
Winds of Change
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“How to help reduce climate change by what you eat”
—BBC
It needn’t mean a drastic change in diet,
Like cutting down on meat and guzzling greens;
A modest change can help to curb emissions—
Try cutting back a bit on refried beans.
Cherry Picking
by Nora Jay
“Centuries-old cherries found hidden in bottles under floor at George Washington’s home
Archaeologist says cherries ‘can provide us with valuable insight and perspective into 18th
century lives’”
—The Guardian
When Georgie took his little axe
And felled his father’s favorite tree,
The fruit fell with it. Friends, relax!
It was not wasted, as you see.
Gut Instinct
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“‘Male’ hippo in Japan zoo found to be female after 7 years”
—BBC
What first aroused a keeper to suspect it,
Were little things that seemed unmasculine;
Like when it met another female hippo,
It didn’t try to suck its belly in.
One More for the Road
by Steven Kent
“Belgian man whose body makes its own alcohol cleared of drunk-driving”
—The Guardian
It’s bottoms up, my friends;
This party never ends.
The syndrome that I’ve got
Means I can do a “shot”
At work, home, or a club—
The world is one big pub!
Death of a Drinking Man
by Julia Griffin
“The Simpsons has killed off beloved character Larry the Barfly after 35 years”
—Digital Spy
“Larry was—around”
—Moe’s regular Carl Carlson
He sat out half the journey of man’s life
At Moe’s. He liked Duff beer (so we assume).
He had no other pleasures, job, or wife
We know of—just an aged mother whom
We met (quite awkward) at his funeral,
Thanking his friends: Carl, Lenny, Homer, Moe.
They did show up, though clearly it took all
Stern Marge’s will to make her husband go
On Larry’s final road trip, with his urn.
Then what? No sooner had the poor late slob
Been burned than matters took a comic turn,
With fake cops, stolen jewels, and the Mob.
At least he reached Serenity. Sleep sound,
Old pal. As Carl observed, you were—around.
(For more witty poems, read our current issue or visit our Poems of the Week archive)