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WEEK OF NOVEMBER 3

by Steven Kent

“New Jersey [police] officer charged after going out for pizza instead of responding to shooting”
—The Guardian

Our officers are dedicated, to the nth degree.
Okay, so Sarge Bollaro wasn’t right where he should be
The night he stopped for pizza as two locals lay here dyin’,
But hey, at least he didn’t order Cali or Hawaiian!

by John Branning

“Trump Suggests He Knows He Can’t Run Again: ‘It’s Too Bad'”
—The New York Times

I can’t run again… That’s a shame, it’s too bad—
when I’ve been the best POTUS that you’ve ever had.
I would not be allowed, based on what some have said
(though I’ve heard I could run as the VP instead).

But I won’t use that loophole, I think it’s too cute.
And the POTUS, not Veep, holds the clout absolute.
I think Marco would make a good Prez, or else Vance.
(It’s a real goddamn shame I can’t get a third chance.)

Continuing past ‘28 surely beckons,
but of all the Amendments, the damn 22nd’s
the reason I’ll have to leave office unwillingly
(There must be an end-run; you know this is killing me…)

My polls are the highest, my fame is white-hot.
And I had one term stolen, in case you forgot.
The economy’s great, with the stock market high.
In the POTUS ranks, folks—I’m your Number One guy.

Now, that pesky Amendment? I’d just like to strengthen it:
forget a third term; take the second and lengthen it.
For those who object, I’d most likely respond that
I’ll rule ‘til I’m dead—and a few years beyond that.

by Chris O’Carroll

Andrew has no more royal titles, since
“Prince of a fella” won’t work for that prince.

by Julia Griffin

“A charismatic, tweed-wearing grower from Perthshire falsely claimed to be able to create thriving tea plantations
in Scotland. His elaborate deception took in luxury hotels, media outlets and tea growers across the country”
—The Guardian

A tweed-wearing grower from Perth
Observed the deplorable dearth
Of local-grown tea
So he grew some (said he),
And he milked it for all he was worth.

The experts first hailed him, but soon
Indignantly altered their tune:
Now shown as a sham,
Mr. Tweed’s in a jam,
And they’re specially sorry in Scone.

by Jerome Betts

“’White-knuckled wolf spider’ thought lost is rediscovered on Isle of Wight”
—The Guardian

Spider, spider, out of sight
Hidden on the Isle of Wight,
Greeted by the experts’ chuckles
With your pallid spots or knuckles,
Though by most not known or missed,
Great news that you still exist!

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Looking at art in galleries can provide immediate stress relief, study finds”
—The Independent

I go to exhibitions when I’m anxious;
It’s very therapeutic and it’s free.
My worries get forgotten while I ponder,
Now what the hell is this supposed to be?

by Steven Kent

“‘Quiet as a whisper’: German firm launches ad campaign after lift used in Louvre heist”
—The Guardian

A Böcker lift’s the perfect tool,
So smooth and silent from the start;
It’s crafted like a priceless jewel
And made to steal an owner’s heart.
The showroom’s where you’ll go to see ’em
(There, or at a French museum).

by Eddie Aderne

“Year 12 students from at least eight schools in Queensland were taught the wrong topic for their final history exams …
Students were meant to study Julius Caesar, but the affected pupils instead learned about his nephew Augustus,
according to the Queensland Curriculum and Assessment Authority.”
—The Guardian

Caesar was switched on the Queensland Curriculum,
Something he’d surely have thought quite ridiculum.
This lot, Authorities? He’d soon demote ’em.
Here was a Caesar! Accept no nepotem!

by Felicia Nimue Ackerman

“Baseball helps reconnect Americans with each other”
—New York Daily News

Baseball helps us reconnect?
Often false, last time I checked.
Fans’ disputes are off the chart.
Baseball drives these fans apart!