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WEEK OF OCTOBER 13

by Bruce Bennett

“The Blessing of the Animals service at Washington National Cathedral
has seen people bring reptiles, birds and a misbehaving hedgehog…”
—The Washington Post

Of course bring your dog or your cat.
Your spider. Your bunny. Your rat.
You’ll quickly forget
All ills of your pet.
Our blessing will take care of that.

What works for a gerbil or mouse,
And even, perhaps, for a louse,
Won’t work for an Ass
Or any—Alas!—
Who are there from the Senate or House.

by Julia Griffin

“Travis Kelce couldn’t help but smile when asked how he felt about Taylor Swift’s
NSFW song ‘Wood’ off of her new album, The Life of a Showgirl“
—E! News

Would you be Taylor’s latest prize?
You would?
Would you feel special when the guys
Post-game began to harmonize
To tuneful lines about her thighs?
You’d feel your manly spirits rise
And seize the chance to advertise
A magic wand of super size—
You would?

by Steven Kent

“Burning down the house: Milei plays rock star as Argentina economy crashes”
—The Guardian

Since economics clearly ain’t his thing,
One head of state can’t wait to strut and sing;
He somehow still has time to chase his “art”
While Argentina stalls and falls apart.

Supporters pack the house. That’s not a shocker—
This rogue can rock (he’s also off his rocker).
His cover of the Who gets folks excited:
Hope I die before I get indicted.

by Clyde Always

“‘Monster’ killer Ed Gein has gals going gaga…”
—New York Post

Horrible-‘dorable,
Gein the monstrosity,
thanks to Gen Z, is now
suddenly in.

Warning to ladies with
hybristophilia:
fellas like Ed can get
under your skin.

by Gail White

“Though cute, the ‘mob’ of wallabies (as they are collectively known) poses a threat
to the Isle of Man’s ecology… [T]he Isle of Man’s mob is almost certainly the biggest
in Britain, [but] it is not the only one.”
—The Economist

Feel mobbed by small marsupials?
You have a good excuse.
From Devonshire to Nottingham
the wallabies are loose.

A thousand in the Isle of Man
are visible from drones.
(A few escaped from wildlife parks,
and multiplied like clones).

They nibble vegetation
and perhaps a fence or so,
but look into their wistful eyes
and gently let them go.

O do not cull the wallabies!
Let them keep passing through.
Perhaps in love and politics
they feel the same as you.
The world has room enough for all,
if all mobs want it to.

by Dan Campion

“Ancient Patagonian hunter-gatherers took care of their injured and disabled, study finds”
—Phys.org

From long ago and far away
Kind news is heartening to see,
And may inspire good works today.
Somebody tell the GOP!

by Stephen Gold

“Topless butler firm seeks to strip rivals of ‘buff’ branding”
—The Times

Buff butlers point fingers of blame,
In a feud over what’s in a name.
Who’ll prevail in this fight?
I suspect that it might
Be the one with more skin in the game.

by Clyde Always

“Sultry Penthouse Pet accused of wooing love-starved older men online—then robbing them blind”
—New York Post

Geezers on Tinder, don’t gripe
if a model declares you’re her type
as you shamelessly tout
all your wealth, then find out
that the fox was just swiping to swipe.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Pubs to stay open until early hours in push for UK growth”
—The Guardian

Exchequer mandarins, in need of cash,
Collude with pubs to raise it from more sales
Of alcohol at nighttime, when a bash
Need never more break up too soon in Wales
Or England. Longer opening hours mean both
More opportunity to be pie-eyed
In public and more “economic growth”—
Consumption with taxation on the side.
Great Britain’s not for temperance if booze
Revives its fortunes: Rachel Reeves’s vows
Of no new taxes mean tax revenues
Will have to come instead from old cash cows:
The more you drink, the more taxation will
Have drained your wallet, paying Reeves’s bill!

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“15-min fitness session boosts mental health more than pricey retreats, trial shows”
—The Mirror

The 15-minute method is amazing;
It’s better than a sauna or a rub.
I walk for 15 minutes every evening—
It’s 7 minutes 30 to the pub.